What, you don’t like snookums? How about sweetheart? Love interest? Significant other? Partner in canoodling? That idiot who you’ve been fighting with about finances lately?
Ooh, that last one got a little harsh. A lot of couples ARE arguing about finances these days, and it always sucks.
Here’s the thing when you’re in a tough financial situation with someone you care about. You want to make up from your fight by doing something nice for them. So you go out and spend money on a present or a nice dinner out or tickets to a show you know they want to see.
Whereupon they yell at you for spending money unnecessarily and you get to have the fight again. Um, no thank you.
Never fear. We’ll have you calling that budget-inept idiot your snookums again in no time. Except maybe you don’t want to call them that. The more I look at the word, the more creepy it sounds.
Here are five things to do the next time you want to do something sweet for your (insert appropriately sappy nickname here).
#1 Make dinner.
You’re going to have to make dinner anyway, right? So make it a nice one. Pick out a new recipe, spend some time setting the table and lighting candles. Pick some flowers if you’re in an area where they grow wild. If not, make a centerpiece out of the candles instead. Tealights are cheap and pretty, and we’re sure you have knickknacks around. Just make the table look nice. Show that you put some effort in.
If you’re the sort of couple who likes to cook together, do that. If you can sneak home ahead of them and surprise them, do that. Think about what your partner would most like and go for it.
Have a back-up plan. And by “back-up” plan we mean “the number of a cheap takeout place you both like”. If your experiment in nouveau cuisine goes south, you want to still have dinner ready. Trust us, they won’t be mad. Nearly nothing is more adorable than a failed attempt at making the perfect dinner.
#2 Go dancing.
There are free dance lessons everywhere you look. Salsa is always fun, rollicking, and full of other couples looking to teach you new steps and get you into the swing of things. Head over to your local coffeeshop or meeting place and you’ll find fliers and cards advertising free dance lessons and open dance afterward.
Don’t worry about it if you suck. Sucking is part of the experience. Have a drink or two to loosen up and give it everything you’ve got. After a couple of weeks, you won’t suck, and you can help out other new couples.
Plus, the next time you’re invited to a wedding, you’ll be the life of the party. Good dancers are rare in this world, and everybody likes them.
#3 Take Note of the Little Things.
“I really have to get a new bottle opener, I hate this one.”
“I loved this book when I was a kid.”
“It seems like I just can’t find a good chiropractor.”
Little things we say all the time. Pay attention when these happen. Keep a list of them. The next time you want to do something nice, crack out the list and see what they said. Get a new bottle opener and present it with a ribbon. Buy that book she loved when she was a child. Ask around and get him the name of a chiropractor who specifically specializes in what he needs done.
All of these things are either free or incredibly cheap, but that’s not the point. The point is you were paying attention, and took a little time out of your day to make theirs better.
#4 Make One Day of the Week “Your” Day.
Walk up to your partner and say, “Hey, we should start spending one day a week just being together.” Pick a day you can both do that. Never plan anything else on that day.
Create a routine you both enjoy. Maybe you go browsing in used bookstores or head over to the farmer’s market. Maybe you invite friends over for dinner. Maybe you just laze around, watch old movies, and cuddle up with a glass of wine. Whatever you do, make it something you do together.
No matter how simple what you do is, they’ll appreciate that you set aside time to spend with them. Don’t mess around, either: don’t just say you’ll try to spend one day a week together. Nuh-uh. Your schedule’s pretty standard. Pick a day you know you can do. If someone asks you to do something, you’re busy.
#5 Throw Them a Party.
For no reason. Make a cake, put balloons and streamers up, and get a small, totally cheap present that will make them smile. (No. 3, the listening one, is really handy for figuring out a small, cheap present that they’re thrilled about.)
Invite their friends. Have a game night, or sit around all night drinking beer and eating cake.
I had a guy friend whose girlfriend did this for him. We walked in the door to a fully decorated house. He asked what it was all for, and she said, “No reason, I just felt like throwing you a party.”
I didn’t even like this girl, but I stole her idea. That’s how good it was.
Now go make nice with your snookums.
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